Respect My Hustle - Candid Talk From A Small Business Owner

Like a lot of working mothers, I wear many hats.  One of the hats I wear is that of a small business owner.  I have owned and operated a small, home-based bakery since 2009.  Somehow along the way, I managed to turn my love for baking into a side hustle that brings in extra income to my family.

The business wasn’t anything I planned, and it really all started by chance.  My sister used to bake and decorate cakes back in the day, and she did my son’s first birthday cake.  She had a scheduling conflict when his second birthday rolled around, so I had to go to a local bakery to get him a birthday cake.  I paid close to $100 for a full sheet cake.  When I went to pick it up for his party, I was very disappointed.  First of all, it looked NOTHING like the picture I chose from a cake catalog when I placed the order.  Secondly, the taste of the cake left a LOT to be desired.  I thought to myself, “Shoot, I can do better than this.”

A few weeks after the birthday party, I signed up for my first cake decorating class.  I took a few more classes over the years, and I’ve been making my son’s birthday cakes every since.  After doing cakes for some friends and neighbors, word got out, and my business, Yummy To Your Tummy Desserts, was born.

I absolutely love baking and creating cakes for people.  I love people’s reactions when I deliver their cakes.  I love hearing all the oohs, ahhs, and mmms when people take a bite of my desserts.  The goal is to one day turn this side hustle into a full-time thing.  I have to chuckle to myself when I think about how much baking I do.  If you had asked me when I was growing up what I wanted to do, being a baker wasn’t even a consideration, but it’s now a very big part of everything I do.

Strawberry daiquiri cheesecake cupcakes

My bakery has really blossomed over these last few years.  While I get a lot help from my husband and from some friends from time to time, my business is pretty much a one woman show.  I take the orders.  I make the desserts.  I deliver the desserts.  I collect money.  I secure contracts for big orders and wedding cakes.  I handle the books.  I buy supplies and ingredients.  I pay the bills and expenses.  I don’t just run the business.  I AM the business.  I’ve grown a lot and learned a lot trying to manage the bakery while still being a wife and mother and working a full-time job.

My very first wedding cake (June 2007)

My favorite wedding cake creation (August 2012)

Running the bakery takes a lot of time and work, but I love it.  I’ll continue to run my business as long as I’m able.  The biggest frustration I have faced since starting my business comes from dealing with folks who don’t respect what I do and don’t take my business seriously.  Let me run down a list of the usual suspects.

The “Can I pay you next week?” folks.  Seriously, people?  Really?  So, you go through the process of placing an order.  I tell you ahead of time how much your order will be.  It’s delivery day, and you break me off with “Can I pay you next week?”  In a word … NO!!!  When you are in the check-out line at the grocery store or when your waiter comes to the table with your bill after a meal, do you hit them off with “Can I pay you next week?”  The cashier and the waiter are expecting payment before you leave their establishment, so why are you expecting any differently from me?  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle.  No money?  Guess what?  No Yummy.

The “Can I get a hook up?” folks.  There is always somebody who asks me for a discount.  Always.  They either ask for the discount directly or they try using a code word … “donation”.  What I have found over the years is that the folks who tend to ask for a discount are people who don’t normally or regularly support my business in the first place.  Or … they are the folks who only call when they need a favor.  I always answer the “can I get a hook up” folks with a question.  When you go to work every day, do you donate your time in exchange for discounted or no pay?  No?  Okay then.  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle. 

The “Why does this cost so much?” folks.  We all know that old saying … you get what you pay for.  Well, the same is true for my business.  Sometimes, a person who asks this question finds a picture of a decorated cake they want and then gets upset when I quote them a price.  The cake they have selected is usually very detailed and would be time-consuming to create.  If you bring me a picture of a Taj Mahal cake, why would you expect me to quote you a log cabin price?  Sometimes the person who asks this question calls and requests a long list of the desserts they want and then they complain about the price I quote.  I saw this meme a few months ago.  It ain’t nothing but the truth.

Quality doesn’t come cheap, and my goal is to create quality products for my customers.  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle.

The “But you don’t have a store location …” folks.  These are the folks who question whether or not my business is legitimate because I don’t have a store front location and try to justify in their minds why I’m not selling my products at cheap prices.  True enough … I don’t have a store front, but people run successful businesses from their homes every day.  As a business owner, I have expenses and bills.  I file and pay taxes.  My business is insured.  I advertise.  All of that costs money.  Ask the Yummy regulars whether or not my bakery is legit.  You didn’t know?  You better ask somebody (lol).  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle. 

Putting in work

I put my heart and soul in my small business.  The work is rewarding, and I love what I do.  Yummy is like my baby.  I’ve birthed it.  I’ve nurtured it.  I’ve stayed up late working hard to make sure it has what it needs.  And just like a mama bear is protective of her cub, I'm all about making sure Yummy grows and prospers.  So please, ma'am or sir.  Respect my hustle.

I'm So Over 2016

It’s been a while since I posted a new blog entry.  In fact, I haven’t posted anything since the end of 2015.  Let me tell you … 2016 has turned out be quite an interesting year.  So much has happened, and it’s just May.  Let’s recap the year so far.

The Oregon Standoff

So, I wake up one Sunday morning in January and turn on the news.  It was being reported that 150 armed men took over a federal building in Oregon in protest because of a dispute they had with the federal government over some land.  Here’s the kicker.  These same men advised they would use deadly force if they were pushed to do so.  Wait.  What?  Those dudes “occupied” that federal building for over three weeks before anything even popped off.  Ain’t it interesting how after the “occupation”, we didn’t hear anything else about this until those men made good on their threat to use force?  No federal guard troops were deployed during that time.  No one on the news called these “militia men” thugs.  Duly noted.  Shoot … Black folks can’t even sell loose cigarettes on the street, play with a toy gun in a park, or fail to signal a turn while driving without deadly force being used. 

Daniel Holtzclaw

In December 2015, former Oklahoma City police officer Daniel Holtzclaw was tried and convicted of raping 13 Black women while on duty.  I know I could not have been the only one that was sick and tired of seeing pictures of this guy crying those big ol’ crocodile tears all on the news and on Facebook’s newsfeed when the verdict was read.  Earlier this year, he was sentenced to 263 years in prison.  Finally!  Justice is served.  Just a few words of advice for Holtzclaw … don’t drop the soap.    

The Oscars

For the second year in the row, #OscarsSoWhite got some run on social media.  No actors or actresses of color were nominated for lead or supporting roles.  There were no best picture nods for “Straight Outta Compton” or “Creed” … but two White screenwriters were nominated for best screenplay for “Straight Outta Compton”, and Sylvester Stallone got a nod for best supporting actor for “Creed”.

The lack of nominations for actors / actresses of color is nothing new at the Oscars.  The Oscars were first presented in the 1929.  From 1929 to 2015, a total of 35 Black folks have won Oscars.  That is an 86 year span, y’all.  So, I was a little taken aback by all the buzz and discussion this has generated this year.

Jada Pinkett Smith released a video on the MLK holiday concerning the Oscars and how she planned to boycott this year’s ceremony.  While I am a fan of Jada’s, I had some mixed feelings about her boycott.  Again … since this isn’t a new issue, why was this year’s lack of nominations a cause for concern and outrage?  And if Black folks boycotted the Oscars, would it really make that much of a difference since our nominations are so far and few between?

Actress Janet Hubert (the original Aunt Viv) posted a video regarding Jada’s boycott of the Oscars.  Some folks called it tacky, and others accused her of still being bitter about her exit from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”.  Well … she did make some valid points.  I’m just sayin’ …

Stacey Dash

Lord, have mercy.  I don’t know where to begin on this.  After reading a blog post from Awesomely Luvvie (http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2016/01/stacey-dash-clueless.html), I’m not sure there is much left to say (lol). 

That paycheck from Fox News must be some kinda good to make ol’ girl sell out like she has.

Flint

What the hell is going on in Flint?  And, more importantly, how the hell could something like this happen?  Millions of people had to drink and were exposed to poisoned, contaminated water for years … and government officials knew there were issues and let it continue.  This was a big story several months ago, but it’s getting little coverage now.  We haven’t forgotten, though.  Last I read, a few patsies got arrested for their role in this crisis.  I’m still waiting to hear when Michigan’s governor will be led away in handcuffs for his role in this, too.

2016 Presidential Race

This ENTIRE presidential race … wow.  Am I the only one waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of the bushes and yell that we’ve all been punked?  How is Donald Trump STILL the leading candidate for the Republican party?  And how does Ted Cruz choose a vice-presidential running mate when he ain’t even gonna win the Republican nomination?  Really, Ted ... or should I say Rafael Edward Cruz?  (I find it interesting that folks made a big deal about Barack Obama's name and where he was born, but these same folks never mention Cruz's entire name or say anything about the fact that he was born in Canada, but I digress ...)

I find it hysterical that the Republican party wants to distance itself from Donald Trump.  They are embarrassed by his outward racism and racist comments, and they had a fit when David Duke announced he was backing Trump for president.  Aren’t these the same people who made it very clear from the beginning that their goal was to make Obama a one-term president and did everything in their power to block all he tried to accomplish as president?  Aren’t these the same people who didn’t even wait for Justice Antonin Scalia’s body to get cold before they made an announcement that they’d block any nominee Obama made for the Supreme Court?  Seriously?!?!?  They say Trump does not represent the Republican party, but it was their unapologetic hatred, disrespect, and intolerance toward President Obama that has led to and fueled an environment that allowed Trump to become so popular.  Now, the GOP has to deal with a problem of their own creation.   How’s that for irony?

… and Bernie vs Hillary.  Disclaimer.  I am a Bernie Sanders supporter.  Something about him speaks to me, and I just can’t get with Hillary.  I am annoyed by all the folks in the Democratic party that are trying to get Bernie to leave the race when just a few years ago, Hillary was still in a race for the Democratic nomination after it was clear she had no chance of winning.  Run, Bernie.  Run! 

Beyonce

I’ve said this before, and I will make this disclaimer again.  While I am not a hater, I am definitely NOT a Beyonce fan.  All that said, I still have to give her props.  Sistah girl is a marketing genius.  The day before the Super Bowl and her halftime performance, Beyonce released the “Formation” video and had people all up in arms.  She’s a racist!  She’s a cop hater!  Why would she pay homage to the Black Panthers, a “hate” group?  She had folks calling for a boycott of her tour.  She had police departments all over the country saying they wouldn’t provide any security when she rolled through their city. 

… and last weekend, “Lemonade” drops just days before the start of her tour.  When it first came out, you could only purchase “Lemonade” on Tidal … a service that just so happens to be owned by her husband.  The lyrics have folks wondering and blogging about whether or not the songs were about her and Jay-Z.  Folks from the Bey Hive have attacked Rachel Roy (and Rachael Ray … lol) because they thought she was Becky with the good hair.

Since everyone else has given their opinions, lemme offer up mine, too.  Beyonce is an entertainer, and a song can be literal or metaphorical.  Jay-Z and Beyonce are just fine.  In fact, they’re sitting back, watching those dollars y’all are spending on them stack up while sipping on some nice cold ....  Yeah, you know where I was going with that (lol).

She’s even selling “Boycott Beyonce” t-shirts on her tour!  She playin’ with y’all.  Beyonce and Jay need to be included in somebody’s marketing textbook.  For real.

Celebrity Deaths

What in the world is going on here?  We’ve lost some great folks this year.  At the end of 2015, we lost William Guest of Gladys Knight and the Pips, Meadowlark Lemon, and Natalie Cole.  2016 has dealt the music world an especially hard blow.  Since the beginning of the year, we’ve had to say goodbye to Clarence “Blowfly” Reid, Nick Caldwell of The Whispers, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Maurice White, Denise Matthews (aka Vanity), Phife Dawg, Leon Haywood, Merle Haggard, Daryl Coley, and Billy Paul.  I thought death was supposed to come in three’s.  I am so over 2016.  Dang.  Enough already.

But the one that REALLY hurt me …

Prince

I will never forget the first time I heard Prince’s music.  I even remember the song … “I Wanna Be Your Lover”.  It was a Sunday afternoon in late 1979 or early 1980.  I was 6 years old.  My paternal grandparents raised one of my first cousins.  Grandma and Granddaddy did NOT allow any secular music in their house on Sundays.  So, my cousin Jackie used to have to sneak to listen to it (lol).  Many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins would gather at Grandma and Granddaddy’s house on Sunday afternoons.  This one Sunday afternoon, my sister and I snuck into my cousin Jackie’s room when she put on her Prince album.  I remember looking at the album cover and wondering, “Who is THIS?!?!?”  And that song is STILL my jam.

Y’all … I have loved Prince since I was 6 years old.  I’m 43 now.  I have been a Prince fan for 37 years.  Even though I have never met him, his death felt like losing a member of the family.  Prince’s music is a very big part of the soundtrack of my life.  He was at every party, school dance, family celebration, and intimate moment (those slow jams, though).  His musical genius is like none other.  Since April 21^st, I have cried, I have played back so many memories over the years that included Prince or his music, and I’ve had his music in constant rotation in the car and on my iPod. 

Prince.  His Royal Badness.  That Sexy Mother. 

He will be forever missed.

My Survival Plan for the Holidays

The holiday season is here.

My Daddy died the Monday before Thanksgiving in 2008.  Every since then, the holidays have not been the same for me.  And this year since my Mama has passed away, I find that I am dreading the holidays even more.

Prior to the loss of the two most important people to ever touch my life, I loved the holiday season.  It was my favorite time of year.  I was THAT person who had all her Christmas shopping done by October.  I used to mail my Christmas cards on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving so folks would start receiving them the Friday after Thanksgiving.  When Thanksgiving dinner was over, instead of falling victim to the itis and sleeping the rest of the day on the couch, my family would put up our Christmas tree and decorations.  I used to play holiday music so much that my husband would get tired of hearing it (lol).

Those of you who have lost someone probably have an idea of what and how I feel.  The holidays are supposed to be a time you spend with the people you love the most.  But when a special and treasured loved one is no longer alive, the holidays can be a time of great sadness.

I decided that THIS year, I am really going to make a concerted effort to bring the HAPPY back to my holidays.  So, I've come up with a holiday survival plan that I hope will get me through to 2016.

"Soulful Gathering"
(a holiday painting by one of my favorite artists, John Holyfield)

For starters, I will surround myself with people who love and care about me.  I have planned visits to see my sister and her family in South Carolina, and they will be coming up to visit my family, as well.  My husband and I have invited my in-laws over for Thanksgiving dinner.  Instead of declining invitations I get from my loving and amazing friends during this time of year, I will make an effort to spend time with those who have opened their hearts and arms to me.  My antidote for sadness and grief this year will be the acceptance of love and togetherness.

I will make an effort to do those things that used to bring me happiness during the holiday season.  Since the time has gotten away from me, I doubt that I'll get the Christmas cards in the mail by Wednesday.  But this year, I'll at least send some out.  I thought about it and realized I haven't sent out Christmas cards since 2007.  Wow!  I love music, and I especially loved Christmas music.  I used to start playing Christmas music immediately following Thanksgiving dinner, and it didn't stop until after New Year's Day.  So this weekend, I found all my Christmas music CDs, blew off the dust, and have them ready to go.

I will not work myself to death this season.  One of the ways I coped with my sadness during the holidays was working all the time.  I'd work longer at the office, and then I would come home and work my side hustle baking business like crazy.  While not consciously intentional, I discovered that I worked myself so much that the holiday season would be more of a blur than a memory.  Not this year.  I will make sure I leave the office on time for the next few weeks.  I will put limits on the holiday baking for others.  I will give myself a chance to breathe and relax and take in all that's going on around me.

I will not refuse the help from the folks I know who love and care for me.   I am fiercely independent.  Couple that with being a bit of a loner, and you can imagine how difficult I find it sometimes to accept help from people.  Over the last few years, I find it a chore to put up a Christmas tree.  Most of time, it's going up just days before Christmas.  A friend of mine reached out to me the other day, and she's offered to come over Thanksgiving weekend to help me put up the tree, and I've taken her up on the offer.  That seemingly simple offer means so much to me, and I think it will be a great step to healing.  I will get to spend some time with a great friend, and my kids will enjoy having a Christmas tree up for more than just a few days.  I'm looking forward to it.

Even though they are gone, I will include my parents in my holiday celebrations.  Thanksgiving was one of my favorite days of the year growing up.  I still remember waking up on Thanksgiving mornings as a child to smell how delicious the house was as it was filled with the aroma of the meal my Mama spent hours preparing for us.  So for Thanksgiving this year, I'll attempt to work my magic in the kitchen to recreate Mama's masterful Thanksgiving feasts.  My Daddy loved lemon pound cake, so there will be some here in my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  My parents loved Christmas music.  The Temptations, Nat King Cole, and Lou Rawls' Christmas albums were in heavy rotation in my childhood home.  I've got those three CDs ready and have even downloaded them to my iPod.  They will be first up on the Christmas playlist this year.

And if all else fails, there will be plenty of my favorite wines on deck.  Wine just makes everything better (lol).

Operation Happy Holidays is now in full effect.  Hope it goes well.

Get It, Gabby!!

Disclaimer.  I'm a Gabourey Sidibe fan.  Every since she came on the scene years ago when the movie "Precious" was released, I have found myself admiring her.  Why, you may ask?  I love her confidence.  I love her spirit.  Despite all the negative things that have been said about her over the years because she doesn't fit a "conventional standard of beauty", she has basically handled herself with nothing but poise and grace.  She has this kind of "love me or hate me / I'm still gonna be me / so f*ck you" bad-assery about her that I just love.

... and then comes this past week's episode of "Empire".  If you didn't see it yourself, I'm sure you've heard about it.  One of the show's opening scenes showed Gabourey's character, Becky, getting her groove on with a handsome, chiseled-chest dark chocolate brother.  (Whew, chile!!  Somebody pass me a fan so I can cool off.  Lol.)

I cheered!  I posted about it on Facebook.  I thought it was great to see a big, beautiful woman on television being intimate, being sexy, and being desired.  It was a nice change of pace from what we normally see on television.

But over the next several days, I heard discussions on the radio stations I listen to and read comments on social media about that scene.  Some were positive, but most of the comments were overwhelmingly negative and mean-spirited.  Most of those comments centered around the thought that it was impossible for someone who looks like Gabourey to land a man who looks like her on-scene love interest.  While those comments bothered me, I think the thing that bothered me most is that the comments were made mostly by women of color.

Are we so out-of-touch that we can't believe big women are sexy, can be sexual, or desired?  Have we been so conditioned by a standard of beauty that never included Black women in the first place that we don't even see the beauty in other Black women ... our own sisters?  That, to me, is disappointing.

One of my favorite quotes from Gabourey is this one ... "If they hadn't told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty.  And if they hadn't tried to break me down, I wouldn't know that I was unbreakable."

Keep doing YOU, Gabourey!  I'm forever a fan.

Halloween House Rules

It's Halloween!  In a few hours, there will be ghosts, goblins, princesses, and superheroes at my door trick-or-treating.  Over the years, I've come up with a few house rules for the neighborhood folks that will be coming through today.  Thought I'd share them with you.

1.  Kids with cute or clever costumes, big smiles, puppy dog eyes, and who say "thank you" get more candy.

2.  I'm a sucker for a baby in a Halloween costume.  Cuteness overload!!!

My kids on their first Halloweens ... Randal (2004) and Sydney (2013).

3.  I give out candy from 6 to 8pm.  At 8, the porch light goes off.  Ring my doorbell after 8pm, and you'll be standing on my porch until next Halloween waiting for candy.

4.  Hands off my candy bowl!!!  Don't go trying to look in my bowl and ask for your favorites.  You get what you get.  How does that saying go?  Beggars can't be choosy.

5.  Don't scare the lady who gives you FREE candy.  I don't do surprises.  And for the parents standing around watching the scaring, don't be mad if an expletive slips.  I'm just saying ...

6.  This is Halloween.  NO SOLICITORS!!!  I've had a few people try this on Halloween over the years.  Whatever it is you're selling, I ain't buying it.  And if you don't leave my porch when asked, the next thing you will be talking to is the door that's been closed in your face.

7.  Teenagers with no costumes, who use plastic shopping bags to collect Halloween candy, and act like it pains them to muster up an audible sentence (or Heaven forbid a "thank you") get no candy and plenty of side eyes.

Happy Halloween, y'all!  Be safe out there, and have fun.

Kids' Birthday Parties ... Who Are They Really For?

When I was growing up, I was friends with a little girl named Karen Kaminski.  She was one of my first ever BFFs.  We met in kindergarten, and we remained friends all throughout grade school.  Her birthday is in July, and every summer she would invite me to her birthday party.  I remember looking forward to her parties because I always had a great time.

Karen’s parties, in hindsight, were never anything fancy or over-the-top.  The parties were always at her parents’ house.  We stayed for a few hours to play and eat, and we went home.  Yet, 30+ years later, I remember those parties as some of my most treasured childhood memories.   

I had a few birthday parties when I was growing up, too.  Again … nothing fancy about them.  I had a few friends come over.  My Mama would cook my favorite foods and make a cake.  We played outside with those crazy cone-shaped hats on our heads, and everybody went home happy.  Those were the good old days.

My 7th birthday party with my friends Karen and Lisa.  Mama and Karen's mom

are in the background (circa 1980).

... and check out the wooden spoon on the wall.  #oldschool

Boy … how things have changed.  Kids’ birthday parties today are some of the most outlandish, extravagant events I have ever attended.  I’ve taken my kids to some … and, admittedly, I’ve thrown my share of “what the hell was I thinking when I did / bought that” parties for my kids.  Every party has a theme these days.  When I was growing up, do you know what the theme was at every birthday party?  It was “birthday party”.  That’s it.  No fuss.  No frills.   

All of this leads me to question.  Nowadays, who are these parties really for … are memories being created for the parents or the KIDS?

My son is eleven now, and my husband and I have given him birthday parties every single year of his life.  And every single year, I go crazy with the theme, the decorations, the cake, the party favors, and the food.      

As I started to jot down a few notes the other day in preparation for this blog entry, I asked my son what was his first memory of a birthday party.  I was curious to know.  He remembered that his sixth birthday party was at Chuck E. Cheese.  So … I spent crazy time and money planning five other parties that he remembers nothing about?!?!?  He didn’t remember his third birthday party … complete with skating AND bowling … with the Superman theme … and the Super Brotha cake?!?!?  That was some of my best work (lol)!

Randal at 3 years old (2007)

Randal's Super Brotha birthday cake.

My cake decorating skills have vastly improved since then.

This year for my daughter’s second birthday, we used a Minnie Mouse theme for her party.  All the Minnie Mouse decorations I found in stores and online were pink, but I didn’t want pink decorations.  Lord knows in my daughter’s two years of life, she has seen and worn enough pink to last her forever.  I wanted the decorations to be red.  Because there are no red Minnie Mouse party decorations to be found anywhere, I had to resort to making some.  (Pinterest is the devil, by the way.  All the pretty pictures and ideas it shows you.  You get all caught up and carried away, and the next thing you know, you’re using a glue gun, ribbon, and construction paper, and then you realize that you have been crafting for weeks for a birthday party that lasts like 2 hours.  But I digress…)

The party was a big hit!!  The decorations were awesome.  Sydney's birthday outfit was adorable.  The cake I made was picture perfect.  We even had a Minnie Mouse-themed menu.  My mother-in-law carved a fruit display in the shape of Minnie’s head for the party.  All who attended had a great time. 

But … wasn’t the party supposed to be for my daughter?  All that time, money, and energy spent on planning her perfect party, and she didn’t care about any of it.  When she grows up, she’ll see the pictures from the party but won’t remember anything about that day.  All she wanted to do on her birthday, like every other day, was color and eat applesauce.

Every year, I say that I will take it easy with the party planning.  Yet every year, I don't.  I think as parents, we get so caught up trying to create perfect memories for our kids that we tend to go overboard trying to do so.  I know I'm guilty of that.  Perhaps I need to take a page from those old school parties I attended back in the day.  They were simple, but they still were "perfect" because I'll cherish those good times forever.

Yeah, I think I will officially retire from big birthday parties for the kids.

You know ... at least until next year.  

Love Lessons ... As Taught By Ernie and Dot

My parents were married on September 12, 1964.  Today would have been their 51st wedding anniversary.  It's a bittersweet day today.  While I am saddened that I won't be able to see, talk to, or celebrate with them, I can't help but smile because they are together again ... in Heaven.  So today, instead of focusing on my sadness since they have both passed away, I will be listening to some of their favorite singers (Sam Cooke, Lou Rawls, Marvin Gaye, and the O'Jays, to name a few), sipping on some of my Mama's favorite spirited beverage, and will do my best to reflect on the legacy of love they left for my sister and me.

I chuckle when I see this picture.

Knowing my Daddy, I can only imagine what he might have been saying to Mama.  

I know I'm biased, but my parents were truly remarkable people.  Of course, as with most children, I realize that more and more the older I get.  I've been thinking a lot lately about all the life lessons they instilled in me.  There were many, but the ones they taught and, more importantly, showed me are the lessons on love.

My parents on the night my Daddy proposed in 1963.

Of course, there was the lesson on romantic love.  My parents were my first examples of what true love really is.  Before I knew of James and Florida, Cliff and Claire, or Phil and Vivian, I had Ernie and Dot.  In my eyes, Daddy set the standard of what a loving and devoted husband looks like.  Mama was the loving, supportive, "ride or die" wife.  If ever two people were meant to be together and were made for each other, it was Mama and Daddy.

My parents on their 40th wedding anniversary in 2004.

They were also my examples of family love.  While I am quick to make the distinction between "relatives" and "family", my parents never made any such distinction.  If you were related by blood, that made you family.  Period.  I think of how my Daddy took care of one of his elderly aunts after her husband and both her children passed away.  He checked on her daily, took her to doctor appointments, made sure she ate, and took care of her home while she was living and after she transitioned.  He did it without expecting anything in return.  The way he saw it, he helped her because that's what family is supposed to do.  My mom was the second oldest of ten children, and eight of her brothers and sisters were half-siblings.  While relationships in blended families can sometimes be difficult to foster and nurture, my mom never had any issue with that.  Her siblings were her siblings, and she loved them all unconditionally.  She never missed a wedding, a graduation, or a family reunion until her health started to fail.  But here's the kicker ... even when the love my parents so freely gave wasn't returned to them from "family", that never stopped them from doing and showing their love for others.  To this day, the love they showed  to those difficult-to-love folks still amazes me.

They were also my examples of community love.  When I was growing up, there was a family who lived right up the road from us.  There were six children, and they were being raised by a single father.  The kids came to our house on a near daily basis.  They played with my sister and me.  My parents helped feed them.  My parents even started a fund to help the father send the kids to college.  The family had three daughters, and my mother helped them during those difficult teenage years.  My parents never complained.  They believed in that old saying that it takes a village to raise a child... and in this case, six children.  They willingly and freely helped that family however and whenever they could.  Mama and Daddy never gave it a second thought.  Again ... all because that is what you are supposed to do.

Whenever it was necessary, my parents believed in giving tough love.  One thing I will say about my parents ... they never sugar-coated anything.  If I was wrong, they told me, but it was never in a way that was mean or condescending.  It was in a way that made me want to do and be better.  My first lesson on money came from my Daddy.  My first job while I was in high school was working at a movie theater.  When my Daddy saw me blowing through the money I made and then asking them for some days after a payday, he sat me down and taught me how to budget and the importance of saving money.  While I wasn't too thrilled then, it is a lesson I still carry with me to this day.  (Some days I wish I had paid more attention to it.  Lol.)  Mama just had this way about her and how she spoke to me when she caught me slipping, getting lazy, or not putting forth the kind of effort she knew I was capable of.  She never yelled, she never scolded, but her voice was clear, direct, and stern.  She started off with a story and made it apply to whatever lesson she wanted to get across.  It was my clue that she was watching, that she noticed what was going on, and it was time for me to get it together.  It always worked.  

My parents loved life, and they loved living it together.  They traveled when they could.  They went out on dates.  I remember how they used to tear up a dance floor.  They opened their home to family and friends who came to visit from near and far and hosted some of THE best parties ever.  In fact, one of my cousins had her wedding reception many moons ago at my parents' house because it was the place to be (lol).  They worked hard, but they made sure to make time to have some fun.   

Happy anniversary, Mama and Daddy.  I think of you both everyday, but I will especially stroll down memory lane today.  You two are a hard act to follow.  I pray that I can be the kind of parent and example to my children that you have been to me.  I hope to make you proud.  Thank you for all those lessons.  I cherish every single one of them.