Kids' Birthday Parties ... Who Are They Really For?

When I was growing up, I was friends with a little girl named Karen Kaminski.  She was one of my first ever BFFs.  We met in kindergarten, and we remained friends all throughout grade school.  Her birthday is in July, and every summer she would invite me to her birthday party.  I remember looking forward to her parties because I always had a great time.

Karen’s parties, in hindsight, were never anything fancy or over-the-top.  The parties were always at her parents’ house.  We stayed for a few hours to play and eat, and we went home.  Yet, 30+ years later, I remember those parties as some of my most treasured childhood memories.   

I had a few birthday parties when I was growing up, too.  Again … nothing fancy about them.  I had a few friends come over.  My Mama would cook my favorite foods and make a cake.  We played outside with those crazy cone-shaped hats on our heads, and everybody went home happy.  Those were the good old days.

My 7th birthday party with my friends Karen and Lisa.  Mama and Karen's mom

are in the background (circa 1980).

... and check out the wooden spoon on the wall.  #oldschool

Boy … how things have changed.  Kids’ birthday parties today are some of the most outlandish, extravagant events I have ever attended.  I’ve taken my kids to some … and, admittedly, I’ve thrown my share of “what the hell was I thinking when I did / bought that” parties for my kids.  Every party has a theme these days.  When I was growing up, do you know what the theme was at every birthday party?  It was “birthday party”.  That’s it.  No fuss.  No frills.   

All of this leads me to question.  Nowadays, who are these parties really for … are memories being created for the parents or the KIDS?

My son is eleven now, and my husband and I have given him birthday parties every single year of his life.  And every single year, I go crazy with the theme, the decorations, the cake, the party favors, and the food.      

As I started to jot down a few notes the other day in preparation for this blog entry, I asked my son what was his first memory of a birthday party.  I was curious to know.  He remembered that his sixth birthday party was at Chuck E. Cheese.  So … I spent crazy time and money planning five other parties that he remembers nothing about?!?!?  He didn’t remember his third birthday party … complete with skating AND bowling … with the Superman theme … and the Super Brotha cake?!?!?  That was some of my best work (lol)!

Randal at 3 years old (2007)

Randal's Super Brotha birthday cake.

My cake decorating skills have vastly improved since then.

This year for my daughter’s second birthday, we used a Minnie Mouse theme for her party.  All the Minnie Mouse decorations I found in stores and online were pink, but I didn’t want pink decorations.  Lord knows in my daughter’s two years of life, she has seen and worn enough pink to last her forever.  I wanted the decorations to be red.  Because there are no red Minnie Mouse party decorations to be found anywhere, I had to resort to making some.  (Pinterest is the devil, by the way.  All the pretty pictures and ideas it shows you.  You get all caught up and carried away, and the next thing you know, you’re using a glue gun, ribbon, and construction paper, and then you realize that you have been crafting for weeks for a birthday party that lasts like 2 hours.  But I digress…)

The party was a big hit!!  The decorations were awesome.  Sydney's birthday outfit was adorable.  The cake I made was picture perfect.  We even had a Minnie Mouse-themed menu.  My mother-in-law carved a fruit display in the shape of Minnie’s head for the party.  All who attended had a great time. 

But … wasn’t the party supposed to be for my daughter?  All that time, money, and energy spent on planning her perfect party, and she didn’t care about any of it.  When she grows up, she’ll see the pictures from the party but won’t remember anything about that day.  All she wanted to do on her birthday, like every other day, was color and eat applesauce.

Every year, I say that I will take it easy with the party planning.  Yet every year, I don't.  I think as parents, we get so caught up trying to create perfect memories for our kids that we tend to go overboard trying to do so.  I know I'm guilty of that.  Perhaps I need to take a page from those old school parties I attended back in the day.  They were simple, but they still were "perfect" because I'll cherish those good times forever.

Yeah, I think I will officially retire from big birthday parties for the kids.

You know ... at least until next year.