My parents were married on September 12, 1964. Today would have been their 51st wedding anniversary. It's a bittersweet day today. While I am saddened that I won't be able to see, talk to, or celebrate with them, I can't help but smile because they are together again ... in Heaven. So today, instead of focusing on my sadness since they have both passed away, I will be listening to some of their favorite singers (Sam Cooke, Lou Rawls, Marvin Gaye, and the O'Jays, to name a few), sipping on some of my Mama's favorite spirited beverage, and will do my best to reflect on the legacy of love they left for my sister and me.
I chuckle when I see this picture.
Knowing my Daddy, I can only imagine what he might have been saying to Mama.
I know I'm biased, but my parents were truly remarkable people. Of course, as with most children, I realize that more and more the older I get. I've been thinking a lot lately about all the life lessons they instilled in me. There were many, but the ones they taught and, more importantly, showed me are the lessons on love.
My parents on the night my Daddy proposed in 1963.
Of course, there was the lesson on romantic love. My parents were my first examples of what true love really is. Before I knew of James and Florida, Cliff and Claire, or Phil and Vivian, I had Ernie and Dot. In my eyes, Daddy set the standard of what a loving and devoted husband looks like. Mama was the loving, supportive, "ride or die" wife. If ever two people were meant to be together and were made for each other, it was Mama and Daddy.
My parents on their 40th wedding anniversary in 2004.
They were also my examples of family love. While I am quick to make the distinction between "relatives" and "family", my parents never made any such distinction. If you were related by blood, that made you family. Period. I think of how my Daddy took care of one of his elderly aunts after her husband and both her children passed away. He checked on her daily, took her to doctor appointments, made sure she ate, and took care of her home while she was living and after she transitioned. He did it without expecting anything in return. The way he saw it, he helped her because that's what family is supposed to do. My mom was the second oldest of ten children, and eight of her brothers and sisters were half-siblings. While relationships in blended families can sometimes be difficult to foster and nurture, my mom never had any issue with that. Her siblings were her siblings, and she loved them all unconditionally. She never missed a wedding, a graduation, or a family reunion until her health started to fail. But here's the kicker ... even when the love my parents so freely gave wasn't returned to them from "family", that never stopped them from doing and showing their love for others. To this day, the love they showed to those difficult-to-love folks still amazes me.
They were also my examples of community love. When I was growing up, there was a family who lived right up the road from us. There were six children, and they were being raised by a single father. The kids came to our house on a near daily basis. They played with my sister and me. My parents helped feed them. My parents even started a fund to help the father send the kids to college. The family had three daughters, and my mother helped them during those difficult teenage years. My parents never complained. They believed in that old saying that it takes a village to raise a child... and in this case, six children. They willingly and freely helped that family however and whenever they could. Mama and Daddy never gave it a second thought. Again ... all because that is what you are supposed to do.
Whenever it was necessary, my parents believed in giving tough love. One thing I will say about my parents ... they never sugar-coated anything. If I was wrong, they told me, but it was never in a way that was mean or condescending. It was in a way that made me want to do and be better. My first lesson on money came from my Daddy. My first job while I was in high school was working at a movie theater. When my Daddy saw me blowing through the money I made and then asking them for some days after a payday, he sat me down and taught me how to budget and the importance of saving money. While I wasn't too thrilled then, it is a lesson I still carry with me to this day. (Some days I wish I had paid more attention to it. Lol.) Mama just had this way about her and how she spoke to me when she caught me slipping, getting lazy, or not putting forth the kind of effort she knew I was capable of. She never yelled, she never scolded, but her voice was clear, direct, and stern. She started off with a story and made it apply to whatever lesson she wanted to get across. It was my clue that she was watching, that she noticed what was going on, and it was time for me to get it together. It always worked.
My parents loved life, and they loved living it together. They traveled when they could. They went out on dates. I remember how they used to tear up a dance floor. They opened their home to family and friends who came to visit from near and far and hosted some of THE best parties ever. In fact, one of my cousins had her wedding reception many moons ago at my parents' house because it was the place to be (lol). They worked hard, but they made sure to make time to have some fun.
Happy anniversary, Mama and Daddy. I think of you both everyday, but I will especially stroll down memory lane today. You two are a hard act to follow. I pray that I can be the kind of parent and example to my children that you have been to me. I hope to make you proud. Thank you for all those lessons. I cherish every single one of them.
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