My Daddy died the Monday before Thanksgiving in 2008. Every since then, the holidays have not been the same for me. And this year since my Mama has passed away, I find that I am dreading the holidays even more.
Prior to the loss of the two most important people to ever touch my life, I loved the holiday season. It was my favorite time of year. I was THAT person who had all her Christmas shopping done by October. I used to mail my Christmas cards on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving so folks would start receiving them the Friday after Thanksgiving. When Thanksgiving dinner was over, instead of falling victim to the itis and sleeping the rest of the day on the couch, my family would put up our Christmas tree and decorations. I used to play holiday music so much that my husband would get tired of hearing it (lol).
Those of you who have lost someone probably have an idea of what and how I feel. The holidays are supposed to be a time you spend with the people you love the most. But when a special and treasured loved one is no longer alive, the holidays can be a time of great sadness.
I decided that THIS year, I am really going to make a concerted effort to bring the HAPPY back to my holidays. So, I've come up with a holiday survival plan that I hope will get me through to 2016.
"Soulful Gathering"
(a holiday painting by one of my favorite artists, John Holyfield)
(a holiday painting by one of my favorite artists, John Holyfield)
For starters, I will surround myself with people who love and care about me. I have planned visits to see my sister and her family in South Carolina, and they will be coming up to visit my family, as well. My husband and I have invited my in-laws over for Thanksgiving dinner. Instead of declining invitations I get from my loving and amazing friends during this time of year, I will make an effort to spend time with those who have opened their hearts and arms to me. My antidote for sadness and grief this year will be the acceptance of love and togetherness.
I will make an effort to do those things that used to bring me happiness during the holiday season. Since the time has gotten away from me, I doubt that I'll get the Christmas cards in the mail by Wednesday. But this year, I'll at least send some out. I thought about it and realized I haven't sent out Christmas cards since 2007. Wow! I love music, and I especially loved Christmas music. I used to start playing Christmas music immediately following Thanksgiving dinner, and it didn't stop until after New Year's Day. So this weekend, I found all my Christmas music CDs, blew off the dust, and have them ready to go.
I will not work myself to death this season. One of the ways I coped with my sadness during the holidays was working all the time. I'd work longer at the office, and then I would come home and work my side hustle baking business like crazy. While not consciously intentional, I discovered that I worked myself so much that the holiday season would be more of a blur than a memory. Not this year. I will make sure I leave the office on time for the next few weeks. I will put limits on the holiday baking for others. I will give myself a chance to breathe and relax and take in all that's going on around me.
I will not refuse the help from the folks I know who love and care for me. I am fiercely independent. Couple that with being a bit of a loner, and you can imagine how difficult I find it sometimes to accept help from people. Over the last few years, I find it a chore to put up a Christmas tree. Most of time, it's going up just days before Christmas. A friend of mine reached out to me the other day, and she's offered to come over Thanksgiving weekend to help me put up the tree, and I've taken her up on the offer. That seemingly simple offer means so much to me, and I think it will be a great step to healing. I will get to spend some time with a great friend, and my kids will enjoy having a Christmas tree up for more than just a few days. I'm looking forward to it.
Even though they are gone, I will include my parents in my holiday celebrations. Thanksgiving was one of my favorite days of the year growing up. I still remember waking up on Thanksgiving mornings as a child to smell how delicious the house was as it was filled with the aroma of the meal my Mama spent hours preparing for us. So for Thanksgiving this year, I'll attempt to work my magic in the kitchen to recreate Mama's masterful Thanksgiving feasts. My Daddy loved lemon pound cake, so there will be some here in my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My parents loved Christmas music. The Temptations, Nat King Cole, and Lou Rawls' Christmas albums were in heavy rotation in my childhood home. I've got those three CDs ready and have even downloaded them to my iPod. They will be first up on the Christmas playlist this year.
And if all else fails, there will be plenty of my favorite wines on deck. Wine just makes everything better (lol).
Operation Happy Holidays is now in full effect. Hope it goes well.
I will make an effort to do those things that used to bring me happiness during the holiday season. Since the time has gotten away from me, I doubt that I'll get the Christmas cards in the mail by Wednesday. But this year, I'll at least send some out. I thought about it and realized I haven't sent out Christmas cards since 2007. Wow! I love music, and I especially loved Christmas music. I used to start playing Christmas music immediately following Thanksgiving dinner, and it didn't stop until after New Year's Day. So this weekend, I found all my Christmas music CDs, blew off the dust, and have them ready to go.
I will not work myself to death this season. One of the ways I coped with my sadness during the holidays was working all the time. I'd work longer at the office, and then I would come home and work my side hustle baking business like crazy. While not consciously intentional, I discovered that I worked myself so much that the holiday season would be more of a blur than a memory. Not this year. I will make sure I leave the office on time for the next few weeks. I will put limits on the holiday baking for others. I will give myself a chance to breathe and relax and take in all that's going on around me.
I will not refuse the help from the folks I know who love and care for me. I am fiercely independent. Couple that with being a bit of a loner, and you can imagine how difficult I find it sometimes to accept help from people. Over the last few years, I find it a chore to put up a Christmas tree. Most of time, it's going up just days before Christmas. A friend of mine reached out to me the other day, and she's offered to come over Thanksgiving weekend to help me put up the tree, and I've taken her up on the offer. That seemingly simple offer means so much to me, and I think it will be a great step to healing. I will get to spend some time with a great friend, and my kids will enjoy having a Christmas tree up for more than just a few days. I'm looking forward to it.
Even though they are gone, I will include my parents in my holiday celebrations. Thanksgiving was one of my favorite days of the year growing up. I still remember waking up on Thanksgiving mornings as a child to smell how delicious the house was as it was filled with the aroma of the meal my Mama spent hours preparing for us. So for Thanksgiving this year, I'll attempt to work my magic in the kitchen to recreate Mama's masterful Thanksgiving feasts. My Daddy loved lemon pound cake, so there will be some here in my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My parents loved Christmas music. The Temptations, Nat King Cole, and Lou Rawls' Christmas albums were in heavy rotation in my childhood home. I've got those three CDs ready and have even downloaded them to my iPod. They will be first up on the Christmas playlist this year.
And if all else fails, there will be plenty of my favorite wines on deck. Wine just makes everything better (lol).
Operation Happy Holidays is now in full effect. Hope it goes well.
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