Lessons For My Son

If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been working on a series of entries concerning the lessons I want to teach my daughter.  Given the recent events that are all over the news and social media regarding the killing of young, unarmed Black males in America (and the non-indictments or acquittals of their killers), I feel like I should address the lessons I need to teach my son.  My young, Black son.  My first born.  My heart.  My sugar lump from Heaven.

Notice I wrote that these are things I NEED to teach my son.  These are lessons I wish I didn’t have to teach him, but they are indeed important ones he needs to know.  These lessons could make the difference between his life and death.  In this post-Trayvon Martin / Jordan Davis / Mike Brown / John Crawford / Eric Garner / Tamir Rice era we are living in, my husband and I have had to have many sit downs with our son on how he should conduct himself if confronted by a police officer or anybody who would racially profile him.

I am always watching the news.  I always have for as long as I can remember.  Lately, I’ve noticed my son has been watching the news right along with me.  He’s well aware of the recent non-indictments of the killers of Mike Brown and Eric Garner.  What really caught his attention was the recent death of 12-year old Tamir Rice.

You see, my son is just a couple months shy of his eleventh birthday.  Because they are so close in age, when my son heard about Tamir Rice and saw the video of his murder, he paid especially close attention.  In essence, the news of the death of Tamir was my son’s “aha” moment.

“So, Mom … what happened to him could happen to me?”  I could see the wheels turning in his head when he asked me that.  And that look he had on his face … wow.  Things got real for him at that moment.  It was rather sad, actually … and eerily similar to a conversation I had with my Mama many, many moons ago.  My Mama was the same age as Emmett Till (14) when he was killed in Mississippi.  When I learned from her about Emmett Till and his murder, she explained to me that when she heard about his death, she realized that her youth and innocence would and could not shield or protect her from the evils of prejudice and racism.  Till was killed in 1955.  It’s the end of 2014.  59+ years have passed.  Why after nearly six decades of “progress” are Black children still in fear for their lives?

And what a heavy reality to learn at such a young age … that someone with no regard for your life can take it away from you in an instant over assumptions.  Someone (a man on the street or an officer of the law) who feels that for whatever reason you pose a threat to them can kill you and even get away with it if they claim “self-defense”.  My son has seen way too many examples of this in just these past couple years.  Someone who feels that my son is a threat is not going to take the time to discover that he has a family who loves and adores him, that he’s an all A student, or that he loves video games, computers, and baseball.

 

I saw the photo above the other day.  Yes, it’s a cartoon strip, but it’s also a sad commentary on Black America.  There are a different set of rules and lessons Black parents have to teach their sons.  I struggle with trying to find a balance here.  I don’t want my son to live in constant fear, but as his parent, guardian, and the person God entrusted his life to, it is my absolute duty to teach him and prepare him how to handle himself should he be stopped by the police.  Below are some rules and lessons my husband and I have gone over with our son.

1.      If you are ever stopped by the police, don’t make any sudden movements.  Keep your hands visible at all times.  If you must move, tell the officer exactly what you are doing and move slowly.

2.      DO NOT REACH in your pockets for anything.  In fact, keep your hands out of your pockets.  The excuse the officer will give after he shoots you is that he thought you were about to reach for a weapon, and he feared for his safety.

3.      Do not talk back to the officer.  Do not raise your voice.  Stay as calm as you possibly can.  A raised voice or belligerent attitude can make you “threatening” and get you shot.

4.      No toy guns outside the house.  Period.  That also includes refraining from picking up toy guns in a store.  This lesson is a new one we’ve gone over since the deaths of John Crawford and Tamir Rice this year. 

5.      Do not run away from an officer.  You may be scared, but do not run away. 

6.      Follow the officer’s instructions.  Even if you did nothing wrong, when you are detained by an officer, that isn’t the time to show defiance.

7.      Be aware of your clothing.  Some police officers and the George Zimmermans / Michael Dunns of the world don’t know you but assume since you’re young, male, and Black, you are a thug and up to no good.  Don’t further their belief by dressing the part.

8.       If an officer cuffs you, let him.  Do not resist.  Do not put up a fight.

 

 

This isn’t by any means an all-inclusive list.  It also seems that we will have to add items to the list of lessons as more cases of the killings of our young, Black males are reported.  At the end of the day, we just want our son to make it home safe and unharmed.  We want to see him grow up.  We just want to see him … ALIVE.