de Blasio Only Spoke The Truth

In recent months, America has had to see, deal with, and have many discussions about some very uncomfortable truths.  In 2014, we have witnessed way too many killings of unarmed Black men at the hands of police officers, and we’ve watched those same police officers not face indictments for these killings.  Black parents, over and over again, are having the same conversations with their sons
to prepare them for any possible encounters they may have with the police.

What has baffled me in the last couple weeks is the reaction the NYPD and its union has had toward NYC mayor Bill de Blasio.  For those of you who may not know, de Blasio is married to a Black woman, and they have a son.  What did he say that made the NYPD so angry that they literally turn their backs to him?  Well, here it is :

"This is profoundly personal for me. I was at the White House the other day, and the President of the United States turned to me, and he met Dante a few months ago, and he said that Dante reminded him of what he looked like as a teenager. And he said, I know you see this crisis through a very personal lens. I said to him I did.  Because Chirlane and I have had to talk to Dante for years, about the dangers he may face. A good young man, a law-abiding young man, who would never think to do anything wrong, and yet, because of a history that still hangs over us, the dangers he may face — we’ve had to literally train him, as families have all over this city for decades, in how to take special care in any encounter he has with the police officers who are there to protect him.”

 

de Blasio was also quoted to say, “I’ve had to worry over the years, Chirlane has had to worry: Is Dante safe each night?  And not just from some of the painful realities of crime and violence in some of our neighborhoods but safe from the very people they want to have faith in as their protectors.”

 

I mean … can we use some common sense here?  We all know that not all police officers are bad.  There are countless numbers of men and women officers who put their lives on the line every single day to protect and serve the communities they are charged to police.  But then there are those officers like Darren Wilson and Daniel Pantaleo with questionable policing / use of force histories that are still on the job.  Those are the “police” we are concerned about, and those are the officers de Blasio and his wife have had to educate their son about.

 

Perhaps you have heard the statistic that a Black person is killed every 28 hours at the hands of the police.  I don’t know how true this is.  In fact, I’ve read a few reports / articles / studies stating this statistic is not an accurate one.  Accurate or not, we all know that racial profiling is real and poses a real danger to the lives of our young Black men.  Instead of being upset at de Blasio for speaking the truth and giving a voice to the fear parents of Black sons have regarding encounters they may have with the police, stop turning your backs on the truth and start cleaning up your departments to make sure the Darren Wilsons and Daniel Pantaleos of the world don’t get to use their badge as a license to kill. 

Gimme A Break!!

Last year, Megyn Kelly of FOX News said Santa was White.

This year, folks are on social media having fits over Quvenzhané Wallis playing "Annie" and the possibility of Idris Elba (in all his chocolate goodness) playing James Bond.

Wow!  People are tripping over Blacks portraying FICTIONAL characters.  Really?!?!?  I was never really in to comic books, but I always thought the FICTIONAL character The Green Lantern was Black.  I don't remember folks having much to say when he was portrayed by a White actor a few years ago.

I find all this interesting, especially considering the generational lie about the appearance of Jesus.  People are okay with Jesus being portrayed as a fair-skinned man with long, straight, flowing hair.  But according to scripture, "His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were as a flame of fire; and his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters" (Revelation 1 : 14 and 15).

For the record, I'm not saying Jesus was a Black man ... but He was a man of color.

I took my son to see "Annie" last weekend.  It was a great family movie.  I remember seeing the original movie years ago when I was a child.  I loved both versions.  Why?  Because I take the movie for what it's supposed to be ... entertainment.  People, get over yourselves.  Gimme a break!

What NOT To Say Or Do When Someone Dies

Losing someone you love is never easy, but losing someone during the holiday season is especially hard.  All at once, you have to deal with the death of your loved one while going through the holidays without them.  It really becomes a season of sadness and grief.

Lord knows I know this all too well.  My father died just days before Thanksgiving in 2008.  Even though it's been six years, the holidays have just never been quite the same for me.  I do my best to muster up some happiness and holiday spirit so I can create great memories for my kids, but the sense of loss and sadness is still there.  I miss my Daddy terribly, of course.  But the holidays are also a reminder ... an "anniversary" of sorts ... of his passing.

Since Thanksgiving this year, we've had people close to us pass away.  My husband's former co-worker and friend passed away just days after Thanksgiving.  A friend of our family lost her battle to cancer last weekend.  My heart and prayers go out to their families.

Thinking of these families made me reflect back to when my Daddy passed away.  My Daddy was a big man in stature, presence, and heart.  When news got out that he died, my Mama, sister, and I were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support shown to us by friends, family, and community.

When someone dies, it can be difficult to find just the right words to say.  While I know everyone meant well, there were lots of awkward moments when folks came to visit.  I've compiled a list of things NOT to say or do when you are visiting or offering condolences to someone in bereavement.

DO NOT ASK "WHAT HAPPENED?"  The last thing someone wants to do is recount the story of how their loved one passed away over and over again.  My Daddy had his health issues, but his passing was sudden and unexpected.  I lost count of the number of times that I or my Mama or sister was asked how Daddy died.  It got to the point that when I heard someone ask my Mama or sister, I would leave the room.  If they asked me, I'd give them my signature side-eye and simply say, "He died."  After a while, folks got the message.  Some folks were genuinely concerned and trying to make sense of his passing.  Others were just plain nosy.  Either way, the point is don't ask.

DO NOT SAY "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL" OR "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH".  Ahhhh ... no.  You don't.  Even if you have lost someone you are close to or someone you love, that's you.  Your experience was your experience, but you don't know what the bereaved is feeling.  Let them be in their feelings and not make their loss about you.

IT'S OKAY NOT TO SAY ANYTHING.  Really, it is.  I'll be the first to admit that I am terrible at offering condolences.  Just let the bereaved know you love them, you are thinking of them, you are praying for them, and you are there if they need you.  That's enough.

A few months after my Daddy passed away, I was at a store in my hometown when I ran into a lady I've known all my life.  We went to the same church, I played with her kids when we were younger, and her family and my Daddy's family have known each other forever.  When she saw me, she ran up to me to talk to me.  She asked about Mama and my sister.  Then she said, "Girl, I couldn't come to Ernest's funeral.  He was my friend, and his death hurt me to my heart.  I just couldn't take it!" 

Wait.  What?!?!?  Did she really just say that to me?  I had an out-of-body experience and don't even remember what I said to her (I hope is wasn't too much of a smart ass remark, but somehow I doubt that it wasn't.), but she quickly apologized.  I know she meant well.  Again, sometimes silence is just fine.

DO NOT ASK "HOW ARE YOU DOING?"  Well, let's see.  Someone I love very much just passed away.  I'll never be able to see, talk to, or hug them again.  How do you think I'm doing? 

DO NOT SAY "LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING" IF YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN IT.  Simple, right?  You made the offer, so keep your word.

DO NOT SAY "THEY ARE IN A BETTER PLACE".  Yeah, very little comfort there.  Maybe the deceased had been fighting a health battle and death has eased their suffering, but it doesn't ease the bereaved.

There are really no magic words or deeds that will make everything better when you are trying to comfort someone who has lost a loved one.   Offer your sympathy.  Share a special memory or a funny story of the deceased.  Be a shoulder to cry on, if needed.  Just let the bereaved know of your care and concern and that you are willing to support them during this difficult time.  Simple kindness goes a long way.

What's Up With The Selective Anger And Outrage Over "Sorority Sisters"?

Let me just preface this blog entry by stating the fact that I don’t watch a lot of television.  Besides the episodes of “Doc McStuffins” and “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” I watch with my toddler daughter when she’s still for more than five minutes or an occasional episode of “The Amazing World of Gumball” I watch with my son, my television time is limited to just a few shows … the local and network news, “Modern Family”, “blackish”, “Shark Tank”, and “Scandal”.  If there’s ever a chance for me to sit down long enough on weekends to watch TV, I’m watching old episodes of “Good Times”, “A Different World”, and “The Cosby Show”.  Now that’s some good TV, y’all.  They just don’t make shows like they used to.  

There’s been a whole lot of talk this past week about a show that premiered on VH1 called “Sorority Sisters”.  I didn’t watch it.  Nor do I plan to.  In fact, I didn’t even know it was coming on until my Facebook newsfeed was blown up the other night with comments about it.  What is particularly funny to me is all the backlash this show has brought to social media.  Petitions have popped up all over the place to force VH1 to cancel the show.  Companies are pulling their ads.  There is a big movement to shut that show down. 

For real?!?!  I’m scratching my head on this one, y’all.  Here’s my issue with the whole uproar over “Sorority Sisters”.  Why are folks all mad and trying to get the show cancelled but still watching “Basketball Wives”, “Love and Hip Hop”, or any of the other so-called reality shows?  Ain’t they all the same?  Black folks acting the fool and all caught up in some ratchet, ghetto shenanigans.  In all seriousness, how many times can you watch people fighting, cussing, pulling hair, having baby mama/daddy drama, and getting caught having multiple, simultaneous relationships and it not get old and tired?    

 I am a member of a Divine Nine sorority.  I love my Sorors and my sisters in other Black Greek organizations.  I get it.  The women on “Sorority Sisters” didn’t portray Black women (or our beloved sisterhoods) in a very positive light.  But why are we being selective in our anger and outrage?  We mad ‘cause the women openly identify themselves as sorority members but we can’t be mad at the examples the women on the other reality shows portray?  What sense does that make?  Foolishness is foolishness … with or without Greek letters on your chests.

I am amazed at the solidarity being shown in effort to stop “Sorority Sisters” dead in its tracks.  In just a few short days, VH1 has faced so much pressure to take the show off the air that they will have to respond in some kind of way.  The show may be a short-lived one. 

Imagine the impact we could have on real issues if we pool our resources and collective voice to deal with other problems within our communities.  Just a thought …

Lessons For My Son

If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been working on a series of entries concerning the lessons I want to teach my daughter.  Given the recent events that are all over the news and social media regarding the killing of young, unarmed Black males in America (and the non-indictments or acquittals of their killers), I feel like I should address the lessons I need to teach my son.  My young, Black son.  My first born.  My heart.  My sugar lump from Heaven.

Notice I wrote that these are things I NEED to teach my son.  These are lessons I wish I didn’t have to teach him, but they are indeed important ones he needs to know.  These lessons could make the difference between his life and death.  In this post-Trayvon Martin / Jordan Davis / Mike Brown / John Crawford / Eric Garner / Tamir Rice era we are living in, my husband and I have had to have many sit downs with our son on how he should conduct himself if confronted by a police officer or anybody who would racially profile him.

I am always watching the news.  I always have for as long as I can remember.  Lately, I’ve noticed my son has been watching the news right along with me.  He’s well aware of the recent non-indictments of the killers of Mike Brown and Eric Garner.  What really caught his attention was the recent death of 12-year old Tamir Rice.

You see, my son is just a couple months shy of his eleventh birthday.  Because they are so close in age, when my son heard about Tamir Rice and saw the video of his murder, he paid especially close attention.  In essence, the news of the death of Tamir was my son’s “aha” moment.

“So, Mom … what happened to him could happen to me?”  I could see the wheels turning in his head when he asked me that.  And that look he had on his face … wow.  Things got real for him at that moment.  It was rather sad, actually … and eerily similar to a conversation I had with my Mama many, many moons ago.  My Mama was the same age as Emmett Till (14) when he was killed in Mississippi.  When I learned from her about Emmett Till and his murder, she explained to me that when she heard about his death, she realized that her youth and innocence would and could not shield or protect her from the evils of prejudice and racism.  Till was killed in 1955.  It’s the end of 2014.  59+ years have passed.  Why after nearly six decades of “progress” are Black children still in fear for their lives?

And what a heavy reality to learn at such a young age … that someone with no regard for your life can take it away from you in an instant over assumptions.  Someone (a man on the street or an officer of the law) who feels that for whatever reason you pose a threat to them can kill you and even get away with it if they claim “self-defense”.  My son has seen way too many examples of this in just these past couple years.  Someone who feels that my son is a threat is not going to take the time to discover that he has a family who loves and adores him, that he’s an all A student, or that he loves video games, computers, and baseball.

 

I saw the photo above the other day.  Yes, it’s a cartoon strip, but it’s also a sad commentary on Black America.  There are a different set of rules and lessons Black parents have to teach their sons.  I struggle with trying to find a balance here.  I don’t want my son to live in constant fear, but as his parent, guardian, and the person God entrusted his life to, it is my absolute duty to teach him and prepare him how to handle himself should he be stopped by the police.  Below are some rules and lessons my husband and I have gone over with our son.

1.      If you are ever stopped by the police, don’t make any sudden movements.  Keep your hands visible at all times.  If you must move, tell the officer exactly what you are doing and move slowly.

2.      DO NOT REACH in your pockets for anything.  In fact, keep your hands out of your pockets.  The excuse the officer will give after he shoots you is that he thought you were about to reach for a weapon, and he feared for his safety.

3.      Do not talk back to the officer.  Do not raise your voice.  Stay as calm as you possibly can.  A raised voice or belligerent attitude can make you “threatening” and get you shot.

4.      No toy guns outside the house.  Period.  That also includes refraining from picking up toy guns in a store.  This lesson is a new one we’ve gone over since the deaths of John Crawford and Tamir Rice this year. 

5.      Do not run away from an officer.  You may be scared, but do not run away. 

6.      Follow the officer’s instructions.  Even if you did nothing wrong, when you are detained by an officer, that isn’t the time to show defiance.

7.      Be aware of your clothing.  Some police officers and the George Zimmermans / Michael Dunns of the world don’t know you but assume since you’re young, male, and Black, you are a thug and up to no good.  Don’t further their belief by dressing the part.

8.       If an officer cuffs you, let him.  Do not resist.  Do not put up a fight.

 

 

This isn’t by any means an all-inclusive list.  It also seems that we will have to add items to the list of lessons as more cases of the killings of our young, Black males are reported.  At the end of the day, we just want our son to make it home safe and unharmed.  We want to see him grow up.  We just want to see him … ALIVE.