Take The Picture And Capture The Moment

I’m about to get a little personal with y’all.

Sometimes, I can be self-conscious about the way I look … especially when it comes to my weight.  I know I’m well in my forties, and I am at peace with the fact that my high metabolism days have been long gone.  I also realize that it’s kinda hard to lose weight because I love to eat and hate to exercise.  But there are times when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, “Who in the hell is THAT?!?!?”  Full face.  Chubby cheeks.  Belly rolls.  Dimples in places they have no business being. 

My self-consciousness gets especially high when it’s time to take pictures.  I either avoid taking pictures all together or I spend way too much time trying to manipulate my surroundings so I can capture the best possible angle of myself.  I cringe when Facebook friends tag me in photos in fear that an unflattering photo of me will be posted.

I have wanted my family to take portraits for a couple years now, but I have not scheduled any photography sessions for us because I was concerned about how I would look in the photos.  I don’t want to immortalize all my thickness on canvas for the world to see … forever.

And ever.

Recently, I saw, fell in love with, and bought t-shirts for my family, and I thought it would be cute to take some informal photos of us in the shirts.  In my excitement over these t-shirts, I called the photographer and set up the session.  When I hung up the phone, my first thought was, “Ummm, so how do I lose 50 pounds in the next week?”

We had the session about a week later.  We met our photographer at a local park and had a really fun time taking our pictures.

A couple days later, we got our proofs back … and I couldn’t have been more pleased with what I saw.  When I saw my family’s pictures, what struck me was how happy we looked.  We were smiling, having fun, and enjoying each other’s company.  I saw two beautiful kids with beautiful brown faces being kissed by the sunlight.  I marveled at how big my son has gotten.  He’s taller than me now, and it won’t be much longer before he’s taller than my husband.  I chuckle because my husband and I took a picture together.  We’ve been together and/or married for 24 years, and you can see we still like each other in the pictures (lol).

All the love I saw in the pictures made the body image issues I have go away.

Moral of the story and lesson for me is capture the moment.  I hope my kids will treasure these photos when they are older.  I already do. 

Photos by Soul Sistah Photography (Durham, NC)

T-Shirts by Bee N Creative Designs (www.beencreativedesigns.com) 

6 Things This 2016 Election Cycle Have Confirmed For America

It’s Election Day, everybody.  Hallelujah, and praise the Lord!!!  I have never been so ready for an election cycle to be over.  Never in my life have I ever seen a political season that’s been as ugly, scandalous, or embarrassing as this one.  America, your dirty draws are showing, and it’s not a good look.  (And, yes.  I said draws and not underwear.)

This election cycle has confirmed several things about people for me, which I will state below.

First and foremost, it has been confirmed that our actions indeed have consequences.  Case in point … for the last 8 years, the GOP has been so steadfast in their mission to destroy the legacy of President Obama that what they have successfully done is lose control of their party.  Eight years of blocking legislation the President has tried to pass.  Eight years of boldly declaring what they weren’t going to do come hell or high water (ie. not even waiting for Scalia’s body to get cold before announcing they would block anyone President Obama nominated for the Supreme Court).  Eight years of blatant disrespect, like the congressman from South Carolina shouting out “You lie!” in the middle of a State of the Union address.  Do we really have to wonder how or why Donald Trump’s message of racial division has resonated with so many people?  The popularity of Trump is a direct result of the GOP’s decision to work to take out a President when they should have been working to serve the people who elected them to office.

Secondly, that whole theory of America being a post-racial society after we elected the country’s first Black president was a bunch of bullshit.  I mean really, y’all.  Let’s not sugar-coat this.  A post-racial environment is one where folks are supposed to live freely without the fear or condition of racial preference, prejudice, or discrimination.  Look at all the hate that has been stirred up in this country.  All the folks that used to be closet racists are suddenly feeling empowered to the point where they are freely expressing themselves in words and action.  America still has a long way to go before we can truly say we are a post-racial society.  It’s an ugly truth, and America should be ashamed.  The world is watching us. 

We’ve also seen that while there may be one set of rules, the same rules can and are applied differently to certain people. 

Can you imagine what would have happened if President Obama had done any of these things?  Well, actually I can imagine … because he wouldn’t have been president.  I am absolutely astounded at the fact that some people are willing to turn a blind eye to everything Donald Trump has said and done … or not done.  The hypocrisy of the GOP and their faithful followers is mind-blowing. 

Here’s another.  Silence or inaction is acceptance.  Trump has been openly endorsed by the KKK.  Just last week, a Black church in Mississippi mysteriously caught fire and was spray painted with a “Vote Trump” sign.  Did Trump come out and speak against these things?  No.  So … what kind of message is he sending?  That was rhetorical, by the way … ‘cause we know the truth.

Another thing that has been confirmed is that America still has issues with matters dealing with women’s equality.  Whether we like it or not, Hillary Clinton is the most qualified of the candidates to be the POTUS.  She was the First Lady for 8 years and saw firsthand what it takes to be President.  She was a US Senator.  She was Secretary of State.  But according to some polls, the race for President is a dead heat.  Really?  She, being the most qualified candidate, may lose the job to a man with no absolutely political experience?  Why is this race even close? 

                                                                   

And last but definitely not least … Michelle Obama.  I’ve said it a million times before, and I will say it a million times more.  There will NEVER be another First Lady like her.  She’s the most educated FLOTUS we’ve ever had, holding degrees from Princeton and Harvard.  She’s beautiful.  She’s elegant.  She’s a force of nature like we have never seen before.  She gives a speech that can move a crowd so much that even Melania Trump had to “borrow” some lines.   Michelle didn’t just break the FLOTUS mold.  She shattered it.  She is #BlackGirlMagic personified, and we love her for it.

Stay strong, y’all.  We’re nearing the end of this election cycle.  I’m praying it’s one we’ll be able to recover from.  

Lamentations Of A Black Woman ... I Am Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

I don't know about y'all, but I am still reeling from all the events of last week.  The country starts off the week by celebrating "Independence" Day, but the rest of the week was pretty much the week from hell.  After a national holiday that's supposed to symbolize freedom for all its citizens, we watched video of Alton Sterling being shot to death by police in Baton Rouge, LA.  We woke up the next morning to learn that Philando Castile was pulled over for a broken taillight and was shot to death when he reached to get his identification at the request of the officer who stopped him.  And the day after that, what started off as a peaceful Black Lives Matter protest in Dallas turned deadly when a lone gunmen opened fire on the crowd killing five police officers and injuring several others.  There was also a lynching in Georgia and another officer-involved shooting death of a Black man named Alva Braziel in Houston that didn't make the news for whatever reason.

Last week was a very difficult week for me.  The police killing Black men is nothing new in this country, but to have all of those events happen within just a few days of each other took a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  While I could not bring myself to watch the video of Alton Sterling's murder, I did see his son Cameron crying on television.  His tearful moans of "I want my Daddy" absolutely broke my heart.  Even though the aftermath of Philando Castile's shooting was posted live on Facebook for all to see, my heart was broken yet again when I heard a four year old girl try to console her mother after witnessing her father being gunned down by police.

Last week was too much.  It was just too damned much.  It was hard for me to concentrate.  It was hard to get back to business as usual.  My soul was and still is tired.  I'm tired of being sick and tired.

I am tired of having the same conversations with my son about his safety and how to deal with the police should he ever have an encounter.  I'm also tired of the rules changing.  My husband and I have had the talk and have gone over the rules with our son on how to deal with the police.  One of the rules is to do exactly what the police tell you to do.  What now, then, do I tell my son after Philando Castile?  The officer asked for his identification, but he was still shot dead after complying with the officer's request.  I'm tired of having to come up with answers for shit that doesn't make sense in the first place.  I'm sick and tired that with every shooting death of a Black male in America, my son loses a piece of his childhood innocence because he's having to learn about and deal with grown man issues.  

I am tired of the lack of empathy shown to Black folks when our brothers and sisters die at the hands of the police.  My Facebook timeline was flooded with outrage when news broke that a gorilla was killed at a zoo because of the very real and present threat it posed to a child.  People are quick to offer up condolences and prayers when there are terror attacks in foreign lands but are noticeably silent when news breaks of a Black person dying at the hands of the police.  As a country, are we more sympathetic to animals and atrocities going on in other parts of the world than we are to our own countrymen dying unnecessarily?  

I am tired of so-called Christians not being so Christian-like in their commentary of what's going on with Black folks.  As Americans, don't we have the right to protest injustice?  Imagine my surprise when a church-going, Bible-thumping person I've known all my life posted this on Facebook regarding a protest in upstate South Carolina ... and then co-signed on the comments made by others.

I started to engage in a conversation, but I didn't.  Why?  Because I'm tired.  I am tired of having to explain over and over again why Black Lives Matter and how saying that doesn't mean that no one else does.  I am tired of people choosing to live and be comfortable in their own ignorance or privilege and then get mad when Black folks call them on it.  I am tired of explaining just because stuff doesn't happen to YOU doesn't mean it ain't happening to someone else.  (The delete and block buttons have become my friends these last several days.)

I am tired of having to explain that being pro-Black does not mean I'm anti-White.  At the risk of sounding flip and cliche, some of my best friends are White.  And guess what?  While they may not understand everything I experience as a Black woman in this country, they are sympathetic to what I go through as a Black woman in this country.  A friend and cousin of mine, and yes she's White, reached out to me last week.  She has a teen-aged son.  While she has her own fears regarding his safety when he's not with her, she realizes that I have those same fears IN ADDITION to the fear of my son being approached by police.  She confided that she doesn't know how that feels, but she appreciates and is saddened by the extra burden of the fears I have regarding my son and husband.

I am tired of having to get up everyday and go about my day like there's nothing going on around me.  It was business as usual at work last week.  It was hard to focus with everything going on.  It's hard to concentrate when you and your fellow Black female co-workers are either expressing anger or shedding tears about another Black man dying and how all you could think about is "What if that were my husband / son / nephew?"  I am tired of our very real feelings going unnoticed and not being acknowledged.  All my work friends last week didn't say a mumbling word about everything that happened ... but were all around the water cooler discussing Harambe, the gator attack at Disney, terror attacks in France, and the like.

I'm just plain tired, and I'm tired of being sick and tired.

Respect My Hustle - Candid Talk From A Small Business Owner

Like a lot of working mothers, I wear many hats.  One of the hats I wear is that of a small business owner.  I have owned and operated a small, home-based bakery since 2009.  Somehow along the way, I managed to turn my love for baking into a side hustle that brings in extra income to my family.

The business wasn’t anything I planned, and it really all started by chance.  My sister used to bake and decorate cakes back in the day, and she did my son’s first birthday cake.  She had a scheduling conflict when his second birthday rolled around, so I had to go to a local bakery to get him a birthday cake.  I paid close to $100 for a full sheet cake.  When I went to pick it up for his party, I was very disappointed.  First of all, it looked NOTHING like the picture I chose from a cake catalog when I placed the order.  Secondly, the taste of the cake left a LOT to be desired.  I thought to myself, “Shoot, I can do better than this.”

A few weeks after the birthday party, I signed up for my first cake decorating class.  I took a few more classes over the years, and I’ve been making my son’s birthday cakes every since.  After doing cakes for some friends and neighbors, word got out, and my business, Yummy To Your Tummy Desserts, was born.

I absolutely love baking and creating cakes for people.  I love people’s reactions when I deliver their cakes.  I love hearing all the oohs, ahhs, and mmms when people take a bite of my desserts.  The goal is to one day turn this side hustle into a full-time thing.  I have to chuckle to myself when I think about how much baking I do.  If you had asked me when I was growing up what I wanted to do, being a baker wasn’t even a consideration, but it’s now a very big part of everything I do.

Strawberry daiquiri cheesecake cupcakes

My bakery has really blossomed over these last few years.  While I get a lot help from my husband and from some friends from time to time, my business is pretty much a one woman show.  I take the orders.  I make the desserts.  I deliver the desserts.  I collect money.  I secure contracts for big orders and wedding cakes.  I handle the books.  I buy supplies and ingredients.  I pay the bills and expenses.  I don’t just run the business.  I AM the business.  I’ve grown a lot and learned a lot trying to manage the bakery while still being a wife and mother and working a full-time job.

My very first wedding cake (June 2007)

My favorite wedding cake creation (August 2012)

Running the bakery takes a lot of time and work, but I love it.  I’ll continue to run my business as long as I’m able.  The biggest frustration I have faced since starting my business comes from dealing with folks who don’t respect what I do and don’t take my business seriously.  Let me run down a list of the usual suspects.

The “Can I pay you next week?” folks.  Seriously, people?  Really?  So, you go through the process of placing an order.  I tell you ahead of time how much your order will be.  It’s delivery day, and you break me off with “Can I pay you next week?”  In a word … NO!!!  When you are in the check-out line at the grocery store or when your waiter comes to the table with your bill after a meal, do you hit them off with “Can I pay you next week?”  The cashier and the waiter are expecting payment before you leave their establishment, so why are you expecting any differently from me?  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle.  No money?  Guess what?  No Yummy.

The “Can I get a hook up?” folks.  There is always somebody who asks me for a discount.  Always.  They either ask for the discount directly or they try using a code word … “donation”.  What I have found over the years is that the folks who tend to ask for a discount are people who don’t normally or regularly support my business in the first place.  Or … they are the folks who only call when they need a favor.  I always answer the “can I get a hook up” folks with a question.  When you go to work every day, do you donate your time in exchange for discounted or no pay?  No?  Okay then.  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle. 

The “Why does this cost so much?” folks.  We all know that old saying … you get what you pay for.  Well, the same is true for my business.  Sometimes, a person who asks this question finds a picture of a decorated cake they want and then gets upset when I quote them a price.  The cake they have selected is usually very detailed and would be time-consuming to create.  If you bring me a picture of a Taj Mahal cake, why would you expect me to quote you a log cabin price?  Sometimes the person who asks this question calls and requests a long list of the desserts they want and then they complain about the price I quote.  I saw this meme a few months ago.  It ain’t nothing but the truth.

Quality doesn’t come cheap, and my goal is to create quality products for my customers.  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle.

The “But you don’t have a store location …” folks.  These are the folks who question whether or not my business is legitimate because I don’t have a store front location and try to justify in their minds why I’m not selling my products at cheap prices.  True enough … I don’t have a store front, but people run successful businesses from their homes every day.  As a business owner, I have expenses and bills.  I file and pay taxes.  My business is insured.  I advertise.  All of that costs money.  Ask the Yummy regulars whether or not my bakery is legit.  You didn’t know?  You better ask somebody (lol).  I’m running a business.  Respect my hustle. 

Putting in work

I put my heart and soul in my small business.  The work is rewarding, and I love what I do.  Yummy is like my baby.  I’ve birthed it.  I’ve nurtured it.  I’ve stayed up late working hard to make sure it has what it needs.  And just like a mama bear is protective of her cub, I'm all about making sure Yummy grows and prospers.  So please, ma'am or sir.  Respect my hustle.

I'm So Over 2016

It’s been a while since I posted a new blog entry.  In fact, I haven’t posted anything since the end of 2015.  Let me tell you … 2016 has turned out be quite an interesting year.  So much has happened, and it’s just May.  Let’s recap the year so far.

The Oregon Standoff

So, I wake up one Sunday morning in January and turn on the news.  It was being reported that 150 armed men took over a federal building in Oregon in protest because of a dispute they had with the federal government over some land.  Here’s the kicker.  These same men advised they would use deadly force if they were pushed to do so.  Wait.  What?  Those dudes “occupied” that federal building for over three weeks before anything even popped off.  Ain’t it interesting how after the “occupation”, we didn’t hear anything else about this until those men made good on their threat to use force?  No federal guard troops were deployed during that time.  No one on the news called these “militia men” thugs.  Duly noted.  Shoot … Black folks can’t even sell loose cigarettes on the street, play with a toy gun in a park, or fail to signal a turn while driving without deadly force being used. 

Daniel Holtzclaw

In December 2015, former Oklahoma City police officer Daniel Holtzclaw was tried and convicted of raping 13 Black women while on duty.  I know I could not have been the only one that was sick and tired of seeing pictures of this guy crying those big ol’ crocodile tears all on the news and on Facebook’s newsfeed when the verdict was read.  Earlier this year, he was sentenced to 263 years in prison.  Finally!  Justice is served.  Just a few words of advice for Holtzclaw … don’t drop the soap.    

The Oscars

For the second year in the row, #OscarsSoWhite got some run on social media.  No actors or actresses of color were nominated for lead or supporting roles.  There were no best picture nods for “Straight Outta Compton” or “Creed” … but two White screenwriters were nominated for best screenplay for “Straight Outta Compton”, and Sylvester Stallone got a nod for best supporting actor for “Creed”.

The lack of nominations for actors / actresses of color is nothing new at the Oscars.  The Oscars were first presented in the 1929.  From 1929 to 2015, a total of 35 Black folks have won Oscars.  That is an 86 year span, y’all.  So, I was a little taken aback by all the buzz and discussion this has generated this year.

Jada Pinkett Smith released a video on the MLK holiday concerning the Oscars and how she planned to boycott this year’s ceremony.  While I am a fan of Jada’s, I had some mixed feelings about her boycott.  Again … since this isn’t a new issue, why was this year’s lack of nominations a cause for concern and outrage?  And if Black folks boycotted the Oscars, would it really make that much of a difference since our nominations are so far and few between?

Actress Janet Hubert (the original Aunt Viv) posted a video regarding Jada’s boycott of the Oscars.  Some folks called it tacky, and others accused her of still being bitter about her exit from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”.  Well … she did make some valid points.  I’m just sayin’ …

Stacey Dash

Lord, have mercy.  I don’t know where to begin on this.  After reading a blog post from Awesomely Luvvie (http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2016/01/stacey-dash-clueless.html), I’m not sure there is much left to say (lol). 

That paycheck from Fox News must be some kinda good to make ol’ girl sell out like she has.

Flint

What the hell is going on in Flint?  And, more importantly, how the hell could something like this happen?  Millions of people had to drink and were exposed to poisoned, contaminated water for years … and government officials knew there were issues and let it continue.  This was a big story several months ago, but it’s getting little coverage now.  We haven’t forgotten, though.  Last I read, a few patsies got arrested for their role in this crisis.  I’m still waiting to hear when Michigan’s governor will be led away in handcuffs for his role in this, too.

2016 Presidential Race

This ENTIRE presidential race … wow.  Am I the only one waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of the bushes and yell that we’ve all been punked?  How is Donald Trump STILL the leading candidate for the Republican party?  And how does Ted Cruz choose a vice-presidential running mate when he ain’t even gonna win the Republican nomination?  Really, Ted ... or should I say Rafael Edward Cruz?  (I find it interesting that folks made a big deal about Barack Obama's name and where he was born, but these same folks never mention Cruz's entire name or say anything about the fact that he was born in Canada, but I digress ...)

I find it hysterical that the Republican party wants to distance itself from Donald Trump.  They are embarrassed by his outward racism and racist comments, and they had a fit when David Duke announced he was backing Trump for president.  Aren’t these the same people who made it very clear from the beginning that their goal was to make Obama a one-term president and did everything in their power to block all he tried to accomplish as president?  Aren’t these the same people who didn’t even wait for Justice Antonin Scalia’s body to get cold before they made an announcement that they’d block any nominee Obama made for the Supreme Court?  Seriously?!?!?  They say Trump does not represent the Republican party, but it was their unapologetic hatred, disrespect, and intolerance toward President Obama that has led to and fueled an environment that allowed Trump to become so popular.  Now, the GOP has to deal with a problem of their own creation.   How’s that for irony?

… and Bernie vs Hillary.  Disclaimer.  I am a Bernie Sanders supporter.  Something about him speaks to me, and I just can’t get with Hillary.  I am annoyed by all the folks in the Democratic party that are trying to get Bernie to leave the race when just a few years ago, Hillary was still in a race for the Democratic nomination after it was clear she had no chance of winning.  Run, Bernie.  Run! 

Beyonce

I’ve said this before, and I will make this disclaimer again.  While I am not a hater, I am definitely NOT a Beyonce fan.  All that said, I still have to give her props.  Sistah girl is a marketing genius.  The day before the Super Bowl and her halftime performance, Beyonce released the “Formation” video and had people all up in arms.  She’s a racist!  She’s a cop hater!  Why would she pay homage to the Black Panthers, a “hate” group?  She had folks calling for a boycott of her tour.  She had police departments all over the country saying they wouldn’t provide any security when she rolled through their city. 

… and last weekend, “Lemonade” drops just days before the start of her tour.  When it first came out, you could only purchase “Lemonade” on Tidal … a service that just so happens to be owned by her husband.  The lyrics have folks wondering and blogging about whether or not the songs were about her and Jay-Z.  Folks from the Bey Hive have attacked Rachel Roy (and Rachael Ray … lol) because they thought she was Becky with the good hair.

Since everyone else has given their opinions, lemme offer up mine, too.  Beyonce is an entertainer, and a song can be literal or metaphorical.  Jay-Z and Beyonce are just fine.  In fact, they’re sitting back, watching those dollars y’all are spending on them stack up while sipping on some nice cold ....  Yeah, you know where I was going with that (lol).

She’s even selling “Boycott Beyonce” t-shirts on her tour!  She playin’ with y’all.  Beyonce and Jay need to be included in somebody’s marketing textbook.  For real.

Celebrity Deaths

What in the world is going on here?  We’ve lost some great folks this year.  At the end of 2015, we lost William Guest of Gladys Knight and the Pips, Meadowlark Lemon, and Natalie Cole.  2016 has dealt the music world an especially hard blow.  Since the beginning of the year, we’ve had to say goodbye to Clarence “Blowfly” Reid, Nick Caldwell of The Whispers, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Maurice White, Denise Matthews (aka Vanity), Phife Dawg, Leon Haywood, Merle Haggard, Daryl Coley, and Billy Paul.  I thought death was supposed to come in three’s.  I am so over 2016.  Dang.  Enough already.

But the one that REALLY hurt me …

Prince

I will never forget the first time I heard Prince’s music.  I even remember the song … “I Wanna Be Your Lover”.  It was a Sunday afternoon in late 1979 or early 1980.  I was 6 years old.  My paternal grandparents raised one of my first cousins.  Grandma and Granddaddy did NOT allow any secular music in their house on Sundays.  So, my cousin Jackie used to have to sneak to listen to it (lol).  Many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins would gather at Grandma and Granddaddy’s house on Sunday afternoons.  This one Sunday afternoon, my sister and I snuck into my cousin Jackie’s room when she put on her Prince album.  I remember looking at the album cover and wondering, “Who is THIS?!?!?”  And that song is STILL my jam.

Y’all … I have loved Prince since I was 6 years old.  I’m 43 now.  I have been a Prince fan for 37 years.  Even though I have never met him, his death felt like losing a member of the family.  Prince’s music is a very big part of the soundtrack of my life.  He was at every party, school dance, family celebration, and intimate moment (those slow jams, though).  His musical genius is like none other.  Since April 21^st, I have cried, I have played back so many memories over the years that included Prince or his music, and I’ve had his music in constant rotation in the car and on my iPod. 

Prince.  His Royal Badness.  That Sexy Mother. 

He will be forever missed.