When I was younger, I was always under the impression that forty was old. Ancient. Over-the-hill. Half-way to the grave. I remember my Mother having a minor health scare at age forty. I remember my Grandma Frances telling folks she was 39 my entire life. I've been doing that, too ... celebrating the anniversaries of my 39th birthday for the past few years.
Well ... I've recently come to a realization. I AM old. Surprisingly, though, I'm at peace with it. I am in good health. I look good, as I am often told, "I never would have guessed you were THAT old".
Here's how I know that I am old.
1. I find myself more and more these days starting off sentences to my kids like, "When I was your age, I ..." My toddler daughter is still too young to care when I say that, but I get big eye rolls and hefty sighs from my son when I do ... probably because he knows he's in for a long story when I say that.
2. I am a lover of music. Always have been and always will be. I find myself dissecting new music I hear on the radio these days and can quickly identify the songs that are sampled in them. If my son is with me when I do this, I always hit him off with, "Lemme pull up the original song on my iPod." He hits me back with more eye rolls.
3. ... and speaking of music, some of the stuff that comes on the radio these days? Straight garbage. Seriously, anybody can have a hit record now. No matter the message, if it's got a catchy beat, it's a hit. If I'm not listening to my iPod or CDs in the car, the radio stays on my local R&B and classic soul station. I don't even wanna know what a flick of the wrist is or what the hell a trap queen / king is. Whatever it is / they are, it just sounds stupid.
4. ... and while we're still talking about music, I know I'm old when I find myself watching music award shows (the Grammys, the AMAs, and especially the BET awards), and I'm on my tablet trying to Google people to figure out who they are and what the heck they are performing.
5. I remember my grandparents and my parents keeping weekly pill boxes for all their medications. And what do I use now?
Yeah ... that good ol' weekly pill box. While I could stand to drop a few pounds, I am in relatively good health. I am on no doctor-prescribed medications, but I take vitamins and dietary supplements so my body won't break down completely on me. It's just easier to keep up with them all in a pill box. So, I bit the bullet and bought one a few years ago.
6. Just this past weekend, I did something I told myself I would never do. I knew I was going to be outside for a little while, and ... well ... hot weather and ample breasts don't really go together. So ... I used baby powder to help cut down on the wetness. All I could think about as I powdered myself were all the old women (grandmothers, great-aunts, older cousins) who hugged me as a child at reunions and how I would always have baby powder on my shirt after we separated. I could do nothing but laugh at myself and hope that if I hugged someone that day, I wouldn't leave them the gift of a white spot on their shirt.
7. My husband and I will be needing to buy a new car in the near future. While we both are of the same mindset that we will drive our current cars until they just refuse to move anymore, we do recognize that we are in need of another vehicle. While we aren't actively shopping for a car, we have narrowed our list down to a few vehicles. One of them is a ... (gulp) ... BUICK. I swore on a stack of Bibles when I was growing up that there would be two cars I would never, ever buy. One was an Oldsmobile, and the other was a Buick. I considered those to be old people cars ... and here I am thinking about buying one. Wow.
But those Enclaves, though ...
8. The older I get, the more I sound like my parents. The sayings I grew up hearing have somehow now made their way into my everyday language. Just like my Daddy, I tell my son to turn off the lights when he leaves a room because he "ain't paying any light bills 'round here". My sister and I were good kids most of the time, but on several occasions I remember my Mama saying she wished she could take "a slow boat to China" whenever she needed some down time. Why does that boat ride sound so nice now? And did you know that "Slow Boat to China" is a real song?
9. I find myself thinking of and dreaming about retirement more often these days. I've been in the workforce now for 20+ years. I'm tired. Between my full-time job, my side hustle business, and running around with two active children, I daydream about the time when I can sleep late, take leisurely strolls through my neighborhood or go mall-walking while wearing a fanny pack, and travelling the world. At my age, I still have about 20 more years before I retire. That seems so far away. (sigh)
10. Do old women still wear pantyhose / stockings / knee highs? Because if so, then ... yep. I'm old.
11. Judging from the looks, side-eyes, and blank stares I get sometimes from my kids, I'm old. A few months ago when we were playing music at home one evening, "Rollin' With Kid-N-Play" came on. What?!?!? Instant dance party. My husband and I broke out dancing, and even did the Kid-N-Play. I wish the cameras could have caught the looks my son gave us. Priceless. And afterwards, he asked us with hints of disgust and bewilderment in his voice, "What was that?"
12. I also know I'm getting old when my friends and classmates have children graduating from high school and college. One of my husband's classmates just had a son graduate recently from law school. How old are we?!?!?
And my niece ... Lord! I remember when she was born. She was the flower girl at my wedding. I remember spoiling her rotten and taking her to Chuck E. Cheese when I would keep her on weekends when she was little and taking her shopping when she became a teenager. Now ... she's my Sorority sister and is in graduate school.
And my nephew! I remember burning up the interstate when my sister went into labor to get there in time for his birth. I remember how not one summer would go by without him spending at least a week with my husband and me. Now ... he's a 6 foot, 4 inch tall college sophomore.
... and my son! He just turned 13. THIRTEEN. He's getting tall, he has pimples, and a mustache. A MUSTACHE!!! His voice went from El Debarge to Barry White overnight, it seems.
Where did my babies go?
13. In my younger days, I was all about wearing cute, fashionable heels. These days, I'm all about comfort. While I still have several pair of killer heels on my shoe rack in the closet, they are reserved for Sundays or special occasions. Everyday footwear is now dominated by Clarks and sneakers. I still haven't brought myself to buying a pair of Hush Puppies, but they are in my future. Oh, yeah. I even got my eye on a pair.
14. I used to pick at my parents and grandparents for going to bed early and waking up at the crack of dawn. Guess who does that now? Yep, that would be me. I'm so glad there's a 10pm news broadcast because the chances of me staying awake past 11pm are pretty slim to none. And ... I find that I'm up early in the mornings, too. Sometimes I'm up doing chores (laundry, cooking, or whatever). Sometimes I'm up just because that's about the only time all day I get time to myself.
15. I can't see a damn thing anymore these days. I've had to change the font on my computer screen at work from medium to extra large. When I read stuff, I do a Fred Sanford and move the book or papers back and forth to try to focus on it. AND ... now? Bifocals. My Grandma used to wear bifocals, and now I do, too. When the optometrist hit me with the B word, I felt some kind of way about that. What's next? The large print Bible by my nightstand?
16. And of course the older I get, the more I hear about my old school, hometown, or former work buddies who have passed away. It's happening more and more frequently in these last few years. Sad.
There are still times when I feel some anxiety about getting older. Some of that is because of my vanity. I may be getting old but I'm not trying to LOOK old. Some of the anxiety comes because of the unknown. But ... I've learned to take it all in stride. Waking up everyday pain free, with the activity of all my limbs, and able to have another chance to do something and to be great is a privilege denied to many. I'll take it.
Here's how I know that I am old.
1. I find myself more and more these days starting off sentences to my kids like, "When I was your age, I ..." My toddler daughter is still too young to care when I say that, but I get big eye rolls and hefty sighs from my son when I do ... probably because he knows he's in for a long story when I say that.
2. I am a lover of music. Always have been and always will be. I find myself dissecting new music I hear on the radio these days and can quickly identify the songs that are sampled in them. If my son is with me when I do this, I always hit him off with, "Lemme pull up the original song on my iPod." He hits me back with more eye rolls.
3. ... and speaking of music, some of the stuff that comes on the radio these days? Straight garbage. Seriously, anybody can have a hit record now. No matter the message, if it's got a catchy beat, it's a hit. If I'm not listening to my iPod or CDs in the car, the radio stays on my local R&B and classic soul station. I don't even wanna know what a flick of the wrist is or what the hell a trap queen / king is. Whatever it is / they are, it just sounds stupid.
4. ... and while we're still talking about music, I know I'm old when I find myself watching music award shows (the Grammys, the AMAs, and especially the BET awards), and I'm on my tablet trying to Google people to figure out who they are and what the heck they are performing.
5. I remember my grandparents and my parents keeping weekly pill boxes for all their medications. And what do I use now?
Yeah ... that good ol' weekly pill box. While I could stand to drop a few pounds, I am in relatively good health. I am on no doctor-prescribed medications, but I take vitamins and dietary supplements so my body won't break down completely on me. It's just easier to keep up with them all in a pill box. So, I bit the bullet and bought one a few years ago.
6. Just this past weekend, I did something I told myself I would never do. I knew I was going to be outside for a little while, and ... well ... hot weather and ample breasts don't really go together. So ... I used baby powder to help cut down on the wetness. All I could think about as I powdered myself were all the old women (grandmothers, great-aunts, older cousins) who hugged me as a child at reunions and how I would always have baby powder on my shirt after we separated. I could do nothing but laugh at myself and hope that if I hugged someone that day, I wouldn't leave them the gift of a white spot on their shirt.
7. My husband and I will be needing to buy a new car in the near future. While we both are of the same mindset that we will drive our current cars until they just refuse to move anymore, we do recognize that we are in need of another vehicle. While we aren't actively shopping for a car, we have narrowed our list down to a few vehicles. One of them is a ... (gulp) ... BUICK. I swore on a stack of Bibles when I was growing up that there would be two cars I would never, ever buy. One was an Oldsmobile, and the other was a Buick. I considered those to be old people cars ... and here I am thinking about buying one. Wow.
But those Enclaves, though ...
8. The older I get, the more I sound like my parents. The sayings I grew up hearing have somehow now made their way into my everyday language. Just like my Daddy, I tell my son to turn off the lights when he leaves a room because he "ain't paying any light bills 'round here". My sister and I were good kids most of the time, but on several occasions I remember my Mama saying she wished she could take "a slow boat to China" whenever she needed some down time. Why does that boat ride sound so nice now? And did you know that "Slow Boat to China" is a real song?
9. I find myself thinking of and dreaming about retirement more often these days. I've been in the workforce now for 20+ years. I'm tired. Between my full-time job, my side hustle business, and running around with two active children, I daydream about the time when I can sleep late, take leisurely strolls through my neighborhood or go mall-walking while wearing a fanny pack, and travelling the world. At my age, I still have about 20 more years before I retire. That seems so far away. (sigh)
10. Do old women still wear pantyhose / stockings / knee highs? Because if so, then ... yep. I'm old.
11. Judging from the looks, side-eyes, and blank stares I get sometimes from my kids, I'm old. A few months ago when we were playing music at home one evening, "Rollin' With Kid-N-Play" came on. What?!?!? Instant dance party. My husband and I broke out dancing, and even did the Kid-N-Play. I wish the cameras could have caught the looks my son gave us. Priceless. And afterwards, he asked us with hints of disgust and bewilderment in his voice, "What was that?"
12. I also know I'm getting old when my friends and classmates have children graduating from high school and college. One of my husband's classmates just had a son graduate recently from law school. How old are we?!?!?
And my niece ... Lord! I remember when she was born. She was the flower girl at my wedding. I remember spoiling her rotten and taking her to Chuck E. Cheese when I would keep her on weekends when she was little and taking her shopping when she became a teenager. Now ... she's my Sorority sister and is in graduate school.
And my nephew! I remember burning up the interstate when my sister went into labor to get there in time for his birth. I remember how not one summer would go by without him spending at least a week with my husband and me. Now ... he's a 6 foot, 4 inch tall college sophomore.
... and my son! He just turned 13. THIRTEEN. He's getting tall, he has pimples, and a mustache. A MUSTACHE!!! His voice went from El Debarge to Barry White overnight, it seems.
Where did my babies go?
My son, niece, and nephew ... in 2007 and 2014.
13. In my younger days, I was all about wearing cute, fashionable heels. These days, I'm all about comfort. While I still have several pair of killer heels on my shoe rack in the closet, they are reserved for Sundays or special occasions. Everyday footwear is now dominated by Clarks and sneakers. I still haven't brought myself to buying a pair of Hush Puppies, but they are in my future. Oh, yeah. I even got my eye on a pair.
14. I used to pick at my parents and grandparents for going to bed early and waking up at the crack of dawn. Guess who does that now? Yep, that would be me. I'm so glad there's a 10pm news broadcast because the chances of me staying awake past 11pm are pretty slim to none. And ... I find that I'm up early in the mornings, too. Sometimes I'm up doing chores (laundry, cooking, or whatever). Sometimes I'm up just because that's about the only time all day I get time to myself.
15. I can't see a damn thing anymore these days. I've had to change the font on my computer screen at work from medium to extra large. When I read stuff, I do a Fred Sanford and move the book or papers back and forth to try to focus on it. AND ... now? Bifocals. My Grandma used to wear bifocals, and now I do, too. When the optometrist hit me with the B word, I felt some kind of way about that. What's next? The large print Bible by my nightstand?
16. And of course the older I get, the more I hear about my old school, hometown, or former work buddies who have passed away. It's happening more and more frequently in these last few years. Sad.
There are still times when I feel some anxiety about getting older. Some of that is because of my vanity. I may be getting old but I'm not trying to LOOK old. Some of the anxiety comes because of the unknown. But ... I've learned to take it all in stride. Waking up everyday pain free, with the activity of all my limbs, and able to have another chance to do something and to be great is a privilege denied to many. I'll take it.
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