I lost my dad on Monday, November 24, 2008. His death left a huge, gaping hole in my heart and in the lives of the members of my immediate family. Fathers' Day and the holidays are particularly hard for me. While they have become times I reflect on the 35 years I was blessed to spend with my Daddy, they are also times of great sadness because he's no longer here. I still miss him terribly.
Fathers' Day is this Sunday. Over the past few years, I have noticed something that troubles me and ... well ... just plain gets on my nerves. What is it? It bothers me when folks give shout outs or celebrate mothers on FATHERS' DAY. Let me explain.
I was raised in a two parent home. While I know that isn't everyone's reality, it was mine. I'm 40+, and I still marvel at everything my mother, Dorothy Gambrell, did. She was an amazing wife to my dad for over 40 years, raised two daughters, held down a full-time job outside the home, was active in her church and community, kept an immaculately clean house, could cook her behind off, and did it all with seemingly incredible ease while wearing pumps, lipstick, perfectly coifed hair, and a Wonder Woman cape. Ok, so I embellished a little with the cape, but you get the point. Mama was the bomb diggity, and I love and adore her for that. I still want to be like her when I grow up.
But with everything my mother was and continues to be, there was something that she couldn't be to me. That was a father. I can and will never discount the influence my Daddy had on my life. My father, Ernest Gambrell, was an extraordinary man. Yes, I know I'm biased, but he absolutely was. I always knew that growing up, but it's even more apparent to me now as an adult. He was a strong and commanding presence in my life. Perhaps it's because of his loving, positive influence on me that I take such a strong exception to celebrating mothers on fathers' day.
Let me be clear. In no way am I diminishing what single mothers do for their children. They work ... HARD. I know and love many single mothers, and I know and love people who were or are being raised by single mothers. But I also know countless numbers of men who are there and support their children regardless of whether or not they are married to their children's mothers. I'm not talking about support that comes in the form of a monthly check. I'm talking about being there for parent-teacher conferences, recitals, and ball games. I'm talking about being there to wipe away tears, give hugs, and offer encouragement. I'm talking about changing dirty diapers and being there for first words and steps. Instead of concentrating on the absent fathers, what is the harm in celebrating the fathers or father figures that are present every single day?
I see a double standard. Let's be honest. If there were Hallmark cards for fathers on Mothers' Day, a lot of us would have an issue with that. So let's not take away from honoring and celebrating our men on Fathers' Day. Real fathers deserve better.
Happy Fathers' Day to all fathers, uncles, and father figures. I hope this Sunday will be a day that you are celebrated for the treasures you truly are.
